I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
