i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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