The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
