her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
