you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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