How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
