I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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