My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
