just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
