how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
