My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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