Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
