Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
