I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
