so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
