You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so explain again why im purple
no
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Watching her eat just hurts me
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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