I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
