He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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