I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
