Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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