So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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