How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
