So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
