When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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