I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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