at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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