Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
