id be glad to
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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