sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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