remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
