Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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