She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
this boner is exhausting
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
