Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
