I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
