I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
