im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
