My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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