i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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