i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
