i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
