what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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