theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
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