dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Come on in and take your pants off
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