how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
