He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
