my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
