She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
