Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
