if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
