No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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