I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
